Monday, 21 October 2013

Day 21 - Miss Saboteur

It happens with every goal I aim for, every plan of attack, every attempt to change my ways; at some point I sabotage myself.

It might be a slow sneaking back to old ways, after all, old habits die hard. It might be allowing myself to fall off the wagon once and then twice and then finding it hard to climb back aboard; or just not bothering. It may just be outright quitting or a spectacular "fall from grace" or a plan to fail.

It is the sinful nature exerting itself, the call of the familiar or the "easier" path. It is choosing the "what I want right now" over the "what I want." It is seeking comfort in the old, the familiar, the food I gorge on, the TV/book/blog that allows me to zone out; instead of doing the next thing, instead of seeking and finding comfort from the One from whom comfort and peace flow.

So many times I've given up, walked away or not even tried.

I am in a period of struggling once more and I have been/am sabotaging myself.

I've been sitting up too late which has more than likely added to my insomnia. I've been slow to get started in the morning. I've been prioritising my time very poorly. I've been letting my emotions and tiredness get the best of me.

We have been busy which has put extra emphasis on the need to prioritise in order to get the basics done and at the same time I've been continually adding more and more challenges (on my sister blog) without thinking about when or where I can fit in these additional activities. I need to take a couple of days while my Hubby is away to really think through all that I have to do and to lay out how I can best fit things in and which tasks should take priority on a busy day.

I think my Cleaning Schedule needs to be prioritised and up until now I've really not been taking it seriously. My (small) efforts have paid off, but really a little more foresight, planning and effort would improve my success at these tasks immensely.

So with a heavy heart over the copious amounts of rubbish I've just consumed and the little work I have today achieved, I shall to bed. Goodnight.

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