Tuesday, 25 March 2014

New Leaf Turns

A new leaf turns once again...

I am fat.

Just over three years ago I worked to lose weight, and I did. We conceived and I grew fatter, through pregnancy. We had our beautiful baby boy and I breastfed (I still do, 28 months and counting) and I lost ALL my baby weight and then I overate and grew fat(ter).

Since Bundle I have eaten a lot and I didn't exercise and didn't do anything except "baby" for a long time and I was anxious and depressed and barely functioning for a long time. It is only now that my anxiety is greatly reduced that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is long people. The depression is ever present and I do a lot more but still so very little and the sugar addiction and overeating and general fatness and sloth and inertia is all consuming and well established.

This leaf to turn is a mighty big one.

On the plus side I still weigh less then I did when I started out almost 42 months ago, not by much, but a little.

So here's the three-pronged plan:

Plan A
Cut out all sweets, chocolate, desserts and excess sugar with exceptions for events (i.e. birthday cake at a birthday party). Make healthier choices. Reduce dairy consumption, no more drinking glasses of milk and much less cheese and butter.

Plan B
Measured portions for breakfast (cereal/porridge), lunch (egg/half tin beans on toast or cup-a-soup/bread) with smaller portions for tea.

Plan C
Daily walks, increased movement in general, cleaning with a vengeance and short exercise sessions (three intensive minutes on Mum's machine, dancing like a crazy person for the length of a song, stretching sessions, being active with Bundle).

Completely manageable on the condition that I break the vicious circles of eating when bored, drinking more instead of eating, sitting down in the evening in front of the television with sweets, eating away my emotions. I'd be quite happy to replace a sugar/chocolate addiction with one to cleaning, tidying, crafting - our house is definitely a home now but there are hot spots where the clutter builds up, there are lots of hidden clutter spots and lots of boxes in the attic/barn to sort through; not to mention that whilst it may be "clean dirt" our home needs a really good (spring) clean (if I could do it for Pesach that would be amazing but even making a start would be great). Cleaning and exercising in one - can you say two birds one stone.

Sidenote: I have been battling a critical spirit my whole life but it has definitely gotten worse alongside my depression, anxiety and inertia. As I don't do I am so critical of those around me (especially my husband) as they do do. With God's help perhaps I can move forward and do more and criticise less. Fear has had me in its grip for too too long - "what time I am afraid I will trust in thee, in God I will praise His name, in God I have put my trust" or thereabouts, alas Scripture memory work has fallen by the way. Something else I need to do once again, along with Bible reading study (especially with Bundle), increased water consumption, better sleep patterns, more focused learning/colouring-in/Montessori style "work" with Bundle...

Okay okay let's end on a positive, I continue to keep on top of laundry, I have improved my meal planning/cooking (though I need to be a lot more budget conscious in this area), our household seasonal decorating has definitely improved and I've gotten better about changing our bed linen more frequently.

Onwards and upwards. Less thinking, more doing.

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