New Leaf Turns

A new leaf turns once again...

I am fat.

Just over three years ago I worked to lose weight, and I did. We conceived and I grew fatter, through pregnancy. We had our beautiful baby boy and I breastfed (I still do, 28 months and counting) and I lost ALL my baby weight and then I overate and grew fat(ter).

Since Bundle I have eaten a lot and I didn't exercise and didn't do anything except "baby" for a long time and I was anxious and depressed and barely functioning for a long time. It is only now that my anxiety is greatly reduced that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is long people. The depression is ever present and I do a lot more but still so very little and the sugar addiction and overeating and general fatness and sloth and inertia is all consuming and well established.

This leaf to turn is a mighty big one.

On the plus side I still weigh less then I did when I started out almost 42 months ago, not by much, but a little.

So here's the three-pronged plan:

Plan A
Cut out all sweets, chocolate, desserts and excess sugar with exceptions for events (i.e. birthday cake at a birthday party). Make healthier choices. Reduce dairy consumption, no more drinking glasses of milk and much less cheese and butter.

Plan B
Measured portions for breakfast (cereal/porridge), lunch (egg/half tin beans on toast or cup-a-soup/bread) with smaller portions for tea.

Plan C
Daily walks, increased movement in general, cleaning with a vengeance and short exercise sessions (three intensive minutes on Mum's machine, dancing like a crazy person for the length of a song, stretching sessions, being active with Bundle).

Completely manageable on the condition that I break the vicious circles of eating when bored, drinking more instead of eating, sitting down in the evening in front of the television with sweets, eating away my emotions. I'd be quite happy to replace a sugar/chocolate addiction with one to cleaning, tidying, crafting - our house is definitely a home now but there are hot spots where the clutter builds up, there are lots of hidden clutter spots and lots of boxes in the attic/barn to sort through; not to mention that whilst it may be "clean dirt" our home needs a really good (spring) clean (if I could do it for Pesach that would be amazing but even making a start would be great). Cleaning and exercising in one - can you say two birds one stone.

Sidenote: I have been battling a critical spirit my whole life but it has definitely gotten worse alongside my depression, anxiety and inertia. As I don't do I am so critical of those around me (especially my husband) as they do do. With God's help perhaps I can move forward and do more and criticise less. Fear has had me in its grip for too too long - "what time I am afraid I will trust in thee, in God I will praise His name, in God I have put my trust" or thereabouts, alas Scripture memory work has fallen by the way. Something else I need to do once again, along with Bible reading study (especially with Bundle), increased water consumption, better sleep patterns, more focused learning/colouring-in/Montessori style "work" with Bundle...

Okay okay let's end on a positive, I continue to keep on top of laundry, I have improved my meal planning/cooking (though I need to be a lot more budget conscious in this area), our household seasonal decorating has definitely improved and I've gotten better about changing our bed linen more frequently.

Onwards and upwards. Less thinking, more doing.

Wednesday Weigh-in, Weighing-out

I'm taking a break from the weekly disappointment until I get myself in the right head-space. Noting each week how I will work harder, do more exercise, eat less junk and eat less in general and then not following through is not productive. This series will return when some motivation and willpower does.

Wednesday (oops Thursday) Weigh-in #9

ATM - The mini goal for this past week was to LOSE MORE! Check (a day late since I completely forgot).

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)
Jan.29 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.5 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.13 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Feb.19 - 13 st 8 lbs (190 lbs)
Feb.27 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)

This week's mini-goal is to really buckle under with the walks and the not eating so heartily of the sweets and the chocolate and all the other food. More importantly to actually be more active in my day-to-day living: more standing less sitting; more active play with Bundle as oppposed to watching from the sidelines; outdoor work (clearing away leaves and general tidying and decluttering of the outdoor spaces around the farm); making more trips around the house putting things away rather than making piles and fewer trips; not forgetting some crazy dancing with my baby boy.

Wednesday Weigh-in #8

ATM - The mini goal for this past week was to LOSE. Woohoo! Check.

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)
Jan.29 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.5 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.13 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Feb.19 - 13 st 8 lbs (190 lbs)

This week's mini-goal is to...LOSE MORE!

Wednesday Weigh-in #7

ATM - The mini goal for this past week was to LOSE as its own reward. I don't wanna talk about it.

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)
Jan.29 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.5 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.13 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)

This week's mini-goal is to...LOSE

February Goals

Bible Study - finish Ruth across the three translations (KJV, NIV, CJB), begin to read through James

Black Dog Goals - to be in bed by half eleven, to rest well, to be busy/productive, to complete Moodscope

Blogging Goals - weekly weight-loss posts, diary posts and writing up my learning goal post for January

Bundle Goals - first time obedience, focused craft/drawing/singing/learning times, further independence in dressing

Catechism Goals - learn up to Q28 and review the first 25

Day Zero Goals - to maintain my lists, to follow them as I'm able, weekly portraits

Decluttering Goal - 360 items including January's total, mostly decluttering of emails, packing up donations, glass recycling (including decluttering excess jars), Mum's fridge and larder (write her a shopping list)

Eating Goal - less, less to no sweets, chocolate and desserts, more fruit and vegetables

Exercise Goals - six miles of measurable walking, moving more

Financial Goals - to sort out my NS&I accounts, to maintain good tax records and set aside for tithe and tax

Freerice.com Goal - 150,000 grains including January's total

Grooming Goal - cleanse, tone and apply nightcream weekly

Household Goals - clear the tops of the CODs in the bedroom and the nursery, pack away too small clothing (Bundle's), clean bathrooms

Learning Goal - thinking about and blogging about staying connected to loved ones

Marital Goal - have a planned ahead date night

Organising Goal - begin to organise the laundry/utility, handyman shelves and open shelving, Bundle's next two clothing sizes (cataloguing and listing glaring omissions), three drawer unit in the en-suite

Prayer Goal - to begin my day with prayer

Reading Goals - "third" and "fourth form" Malory Towers' books with Bundle, end of "SS" book, a chapter of "ten p's" with Hubby and fifty pages of "weaning" book

Relational Goals - email my parents, text my students, text Gerta, visit Granda, text Mimi, text A.Isa

Scripture Memory Goal - to reinstate daily Scripture memory work over breakfast/snack/dinner time

Social Goal - do something sociable once a week

Weight Goal - thirteen stone

Wednesday Weigh-in #6

ATM - The mini goal for this past week was to lose or maintain, yay (said flatly). Emotionally not too good of late but I've decided to get better (HA). We shall see...

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)
Jan.29 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)
Feb.5 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)

This week's mini-goal is to LOSE as its own reward.

Wednesday Weigh-in #5

ATM - The mini goal for this past week was to lose something, anything so of course I gained two pounds. Not a surprise considering the copious amounts of sweets that I ate this week. It was a no good very bad week and therefore so was my diet.

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)
Jan.29 - 13 st 7 lbs (189 lbs)

This week's mini goal is to lose or maintain and you know survive.

Wednesday Weigh-in #4

ATM - Up and down and emotional eating, tired and eating sugars to compensate. No exercise. Unsurprisingly a gain...still disappointing though.

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)
Jan.22 - 13 st 5 lbs (187 lbs)

This week's mini goal is to lose something, anything...

Wednesday Weight-in #3

ATM - there has been no more exercise beyond walking around Ikea :) and no ket up in the chocolate consumption (I think the house is almost empty of the stuff). Mood has been very changeable with very low lows so I certainly haven't felt up to much but I was encouraged to see another loss and another mini-goal met.

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)
Jan.15 - 13 st 4 lbs (186 lbs)

This week's mini goal is to lose another two pounds, a "healthy" weight-loss so "they" say and half-way to my next "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal. More Some effort may actually be required;)

Wednesday Weigh-in #2

ATM - not eating any better and still at zero exercise, not a good week - weather-wise, sleep-wise or mood-wise. I did take a slightly longer route back (through the park) to the car on my return from my podiatry appointment, big whoop! My aim for this week was to lose three pounds and woohoo! little effort and rather less chocolate (though still far more than the average bear) and I hit it with bells on (i.e. I weighed myself after I got dressed).

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)
Second "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone even (182 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)
Jan.8 - 13 st 6 lbs (188 lbs)

So first "ThingsIWannaDoList" goal met as well as this week's mini-goal.

Had a mile walk this morning so I've already startted off this week right and this week's mini goal is to lose another two pounds, the Christmas chocolate is almost gone and I WILL eat less and move more, here's hoping.

Wednesday Weigh-in #1

ATM - not eating very well, plenty of the good but far too much of the bad, zero exercise

First "ThingsIWannaDoList" Goal - Lose weight to reach thirteen stone seven (189 lbs)

Jan.1 - 13 st 9 lbs (191 lbs)

This week my mini-goal is to lose three pounds, which will also help me meet my first full goal - I will still be eating the Christmas chocolates ;) but I also hope to begin a better regime of walking a mile a day (for starters but also weather permitting as I'm a total wuss and today was just horrible and so didn't happen), eating less of the loverly choccy et al and just generally eating less, moving more. It will help that I'll usually weigh-in first thing Wednesdays in a born free style of dress, today's weigh-in was sponsored by half-past-ten-at-night-after-an-unhealthy-eating-day-and-a-family-dinner-out-of-almost-a-whole-Hawaiian-pizza-with-mushrooms-(yummy)-whilst--wearing-my-new-Christmas-fleecy-jim-jams-socks-and-slippers :) so setting a reasonably low bar I am hoping for a successful first week to set me off on this (not again) journey of weight-loss.

#7 Weekly Weigh-in

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in:

#7 13 st 2 lbs (184 pounds)
#6 13 st 1 lbs (183 pounds)

From operations to mama being disastrously emotional/useless to potty training and well lots of chocolate and large portions - yet again amazed the gain was only that of a pound.

Third (Amended) Goal - to lose something!
Reward - momentary success and perhaps the ten peach loop sweets I never got around to getting myself when last I succeeded

#6 Weekly Weigh-in

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in:

#6 13 st 1 lbs (183 pounds)
#5 13 st 0 lbs (182 pounds)

Amazingly after another week of chocolate and not small portions I have only gone up a pound - I'd almost count it a success. Bundle came through his operation beautifully, his Mama is still recovering however.

Third (Amended) Goal - to lose something!
Reward - momentary success and perhaps the ten peach loop sweets I never got around to getting myself when last I succeeded

#5 Weekly Weigh-in

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in (actually from yesterday):

#5 13 st 0 lbs (182 pounds)
#4 13 st 0 lbs (182 pounds)

Amazingly an almost-week of overeating and indulging and lots of chocolate hasn't thrown my weight off (it went up then back down across the week). Emotional eating was/is the rule at the moment but hopefully I'll put myself back on track after Bundle's op is over him (it was this morning by the time for which this is scheduled).

Third Goal - to reach my lowest post-partum weight (12 st 8 lbs) and get back to where I was 2009/2010
Reward - add a sticker to my "star chart" for every pound lost, working toward another book buying reward and jump around the house like a mad thing.

#4 Weekly Weigh-In

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in:

#4 13 st 0 lbs (182 pounds)
#3 12 st 11 lbs (179 pounds)

This is what happens when you eat junk food solidly from Monday night until Wednesday evening when your Hubby gies out of the country in business. I chose this path; I knew I'd gain. Back on the wagon again tomorrow and back on the path to my next goal.

Third Goal - to reach my lowest post-partum weight (12 st 8 lbs) and get back to where I was 2009/2010
Reward - add a sticker to my "star chart" for every pound lost, working toward another book buying reward and jump around the house like a mad thing.

#3 Weekly Weigh-In

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in:

#3 12 st 11 lbs (179 pounds)
#2 12 st 13 lbs (181 pounds)

Second Goal - to lose something
Reward - to ironically get to eat another ten peach loop sweets

Yummy, yummy, yummy, in my tummy! So pleased too, wasn't expecting two pounds off!

This week (in the early hours of Tuesday morning to be precise) I began reading the "42 days to fit" and "100lb loser" e-books in preparation for taking the 42 days challenge (my next-but-one new challenge I think).

The 42 days challenge aims to help you lose 15-20 pounds which would be an amazing weight-loss to add to my eleven pounds so far (this from my original of 13 st 8 lbs not from the start of this weekly weigh-in blogging, a loss of only three pounds). A 15-20 pound loss would be especially helpful as I have another 47 pounds to lose to reach what would be considered a healthy weight for my height, namely 9 st 6 lbs.

Generally speaking "they" say you should aim for two pounds a week, but even a quarter of that (a pound/fortnight) would see me reach my weight-loss goal in less than two years which is a fabulus feat considering it took me well over a decade to get here. A one pound a week loss would see me hit my goal in less than a year and I think (pregnancy-permitting) it is not unreasonable of me to consider losing at least a pound a week for the next six months or so, so I am setting myself a longer-term goal of 32 pounds by my next birthday (my 32nd, which is actually about 31 weeks away). So here goes:

Third Goal
To reach (at least)my lowest post-partum weight (12 st 8 lbs) and get back to where I was in 2009/2010

Reward
Add a sticker to my "star chart" for every pound lost so far (since week one) i.e. at least six, this star chart is working toward another book buying reward. Oh and jump around the house like a mad thing.

First L-T Goal
To weigh no more than 10 st 7 lbs by 21st May, 2014 (the Wednesday closest to my 32nd birthday)
Reward
Kindle? New iPad? Ki-fit sub? New book? Chocolate??? A much smaller bottom? The ability to fit into my smaller clothes? To Be Confirmed.

#2 Weekly Weigh-In

Keeping track thrice weekly but here's the official weekly weigh-in:

#2 12 st 13 lbs (181 pounds)
#1 13 st (182 pounds)

First Goal - to lose something and put myself in the twelves once more
Reward - ironic I know but a bag of peach loop sweets (twelve sweets only though)

Yay, with a one pound weight loss, peach loops here I come!

On to the next goal and I'm really pushing the boat out with this one - lose another pound - ta-da!

Second Goal - to lose something
Reward - to eat another ten peach loops (yummy)

Thrice Weekly Weigh-In - Why?

Everyone focuses on the number don't they? The number on the scales must be checked weekly and must always go down and then when it doesn't there will be a week of worrying and another number to focus on but I don't want that - yes, the number is important, after all I'm trying to lose weight; of course I would like it to always go down, but let's be frank a good bowel movement can be worth a pound and maybe I haven't eaten enough fibre this week so ;) ...

I've instituted thrice weekly weigh-ins for myself because:

- my head is a sieve and I won't always remember all of the weigh-ins and they'll all be at different times of the day in various states of dress or undress

- when the number's gone up after a couple of days I want to halt it's progression before it picks up speed, if in fact it is overeating related

- it keeps me focused on my weight or rather doing something about it, it keeps the need to think before scoffing a chocolate bar firmly in mind, it helps my Mummy brain (still very much in recovery) remember the goal and the plan and the point.

I just read back over my old blog's last few posts which were all weight-loss and weigh-in related and was struck by the fact that in nineteen months (yes, over a year-abd-a-half) all I've managed to do is gain six pounds.

BUT in my efforts to "turn down my inner critic" and focus on the positive I had set myself some very good post-partum goals, some of which actually stuck! I do make my bed daily and get dressed and lay out my clothes and keep the baby bag packed and ready to go and I am aware of what's on the calendar and yay I have actually made some progress. Alas one of my goals was to move out of maternity clothes as soon as I felt comfortable in my old clothes and well I have only this last week packed away my maternity jeans because well, they are so damn comfy! Still keeping the black maternity tee though as it's very flattering on my mummy-tummy!

So progress and not so here's to more steps forward or at least a little nap in place and leaving behind the girl who forgot to stop when she was full, deterrmined to get her money's worth at the buffet breakfast.

P.S. In the interests of boredom avoidance I will only post a weekly weigh-in here and I think Wednesdays are as good a day as any (I weigh-in M/W/Sa) and I very neatly weighed in at thirteen stone even on Wednesday past (182 lbs) so any loss will drop me nicely back into the twelves and anything beyond two pounds (as if, since I'm still hardly trying, unless I get sick, which, nope I'd still mind) will land me nicely in the 170s. Last year I beat out my pre-pregnancy weight-loss to get down to 12 st 8 lbs (176 lbs) by fourteen weeks post-partum and now at 22 1/2 months PP I'm six pounds heavier and definitely less shapely (14 weeks PP was about the time of my son's baptism and I looked way better in my wrap dress then than now). Here's to making a positive difference!

#1 Weekly Weigh-In

Posting this retrospectively having decided that this would be Day 1 (see here for more information):

#1 13 st (182 pounds)

Any weight loss will knock me into the twelves and anything more than two pounds (as if) will land me in the 170s, a happy (or at least happier) place indeed. Fourteen weeks post-partum saw me at 12 st 8 lbs (176 pounds) and I look forward to shrinking beyond that.

First Goal - to lose something and put myself in the twelves once more
Reward - ironic I know but a bag of peach loop sweets (twelve sweets only though)