New Leaf Turns

A new leaf turns once again...

I am fat.

Just over three years ago I worked to lose weight, and I did. We conceived and I grew fatter, through pregnancy. We had our beautiful baby boy and I breastfed (I still do, 28 months and counting) and I lost ALL my baby weight and then I overate and grew fat(ter).

Since Bundle I have eaten a lot and I didn't exercise and didn't do anything except "baby" for a long time and I was anxious and depressed and barely functioning for a long time. It is only now that my anxiety is greatly reduced that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is long people. The depression is ever present and I do a lot more but still so very little and the sugar addiction and overeating and general fatness and sloth and inertia is all consuming and well established.

This leaf to turn is a mighty big one.

On the plus side I still weigh less then I did when I started out almost 42 months ago, not by much, but a little.

So here's the three-pronged plan:

Plan A
Cut out all sweets, chocolate, desserts and excess sugar with exceptions for events (i.e. birthday cake at a birthday party). Make healthier choices. Reduce dairy consumption, no more drinking glasses of milk and much less cheese and butter.

Plan B
Measured portions for breakfast (cereal/porridge), lunch (egg/half tin beans on toast or cup-a-soup/bread) with smaller portions for tea.

Plan C
Daily walks, increased movement in general, cleaning with a vengeance and short exercise sessions (three intensive minutes on Mum's machine, dancing like a crazy person for the length of a song, stretching sessions, being active with Bundle).

Completely manageable on the condition that I break the vicious circles of eating when bored, drinking more instead of eating, sitting down in the evening in front of the television with sweets, eating away my emotions. I'd be quite happy to replace a sugar/chocolate addiction with one to cleaning, tidying, crafting - our house is definitely a home now but there are hot spots where the clutter builds up, there are lots of hidden clutter spots and lots of boxes in the attic/barn to sort through; not to mention that whilst it may be "clean dirt" our home needs a really good (spring) clean (if I could do it for Pesach that would be amazing but even making a start would be great). Cleaning and exercising in one - can you say two birds one stone.

Sidenote: I have been battling a critical spirit my whole life but it has definitely gotten worse alongside my depression, anxiety and inertia. As I don't do I am so critical of those around me (especially my husband) as they do do. With God's help perhaps I can move forward and do more and criticise less. Fear has had me in its grip for too too long - "what time I am afraid I will trust in thee, in God I will praise His name, in God I have put my trust" or thereabouts, alas Scripture memory work has fallen by the way. Something else I need to do once again, along with Bible reading study (especially with Bundle), increased water consumption, better sleep patterns, more focused learning/colouring-in/Montessori style "work" with Bundle...

Okay okay let's end on a positive, I continue to keep on top of laundry, I have improved my meal planning/cooking (though I need to be a lot more budget conscious in this area), our household seasonal decorating has definitely improved and I've gotten better about changing our bed linen more frequently.

Onwards and upwards. Less thinking, more doing.

February Goals

Bible Study - finish Ruth across the three translations (KJV, NIV, CJB), begin to read through James

Black Dog Goals - to be in bed by half eleven, to rest well, to be busy/productive, to complete Moodscope

Blogging Goals - weekly weight-loss posts, diary posts and writing up my learning goal post for January

Bundle Goals - first time obedience, focused craft/drawing/singing/learning times, further independence in dressing

Catechism Goals - learn up to Q28 and review the first 25

Day Zero Goals - to maintain my lists, to follow them as I'm able, weekly portraits

Decluttering Goal - 360 items including January's total, mostly decluttering of emails, packing up donations, glass recycling (including decluttering excess jars), Mum's fridge and larder (write her a shopping list)

Eating Goal - less, less to no sweets, chocolate and desserts, more fruit and vegetables

Exercise Goals - six miles of measurable walking, moving more

Financial Goals - to sort out my NS&I accounts, to maintain good tax records and set aside for tithe and tax

Freerice.com Goal - 150,000 grains including January's total

Grooming Goal - cleanse, tone and apply nightcream weekly

Household Goals - clear the tops of the CODs in the bedroom and the nursery, pack away too small clothing (Bundle's), clean bathrooms

Learning Goal - thinking about and blogging about staying connected to loved ones

Marital Goal - have a planned ahead date night

Organising Goal - begin to organise the laundry/utility, handyman shelves and open shelving, Bundle's next two clothing sizes (cataloguing and listing glaring omissions), three drawer unit in the en-suite

Prayer Goal - to begin my day with prayer

Reading Goals - "third" and "fourth form" Malory Towers' books with Bundle, end of "SS" book, a chapter of "ten p's" with Hubby and fifty pages of "weaning" book

Relational Goals - email my parents, text my students, text Gerta, visit Granda, text Mimi, text A.Isa

Scripture Memory Goal - to reinstate daily Scripture memory work over breakfast/snack/dinner time

Social Goal - do something sociable once a week

Weight Goal - thirteen stone

Day 18 - Be prepared

Today I followed a new recipe (an actual recipe!) and made hash brown crusted (vegetarian) quiche; you kmow it was good when my Hubby didn't even mention that it would have tasted better with a little meat in it!

All-in-all a successful cooking experiment but I certainly got to think about preparedness, you see alongside this (slightly) increased amount of cleaning, there has been a dramatic lessening of messing up the house and a big increase in tidying and setting things to rights about the place. The house is definitely looking the better for it.

Recently the Hubs decided to invite his family for Christmas and I begrudgingly agreed to go along with that decision. The decision itself made sense, my in-laws weren't terribly keen to host, my SIL is pregnant and pretty sick (and hosted last year, though not for us). Logically it made sense but emotionally...

I dream of being a regular, relaxed, house at the ready for company hostess - however I am none of those things. Hosting makes me terribly stressed, we don't do it very often, the house had (until recently) not been company ready ever and well I disliked that state of affairs (being that hospitality is biblically mandated and especially for church elders-my husband being one) but wasn't trying terribly hard to right the situation.

Now however that I'm discovering the benefits of (somewhat slapdash but much more) regular cleaning and better tidying habits I actually text Hubs today to say how "I'm kinda looking forward to Christmas now that I'm starting to make headway on the house." His reply made me cry:
"That's just great. You brought a big smile to my face... You are doing fab. Christmas will be great."

Of course I haven't yet offered to actually help him with the cooking, but baby steps people! ;)

Anyhow just to round this off nicely, yes it's good to be prepared, to have a plan, to be company ready in case the "company" materialise but sometimes being prepared ahead of time has its downsides...

This morning saw me prepare all the vegetables for my new quiche recipes, I was set to go, with courgette and celery chopped, chopped onion defrosted, cheese grated and potatoes peeled and grated. I set to creating my masterpiece after my hour of tutoring had been accomplished and... I found lots of grey grated potato. So tonight I served my Hubs and Sunny hash GREY based vegetarian quiche - yum yum!

It was still delicious though!

Day 12 - Tidying vs Cleaning

Today choosing tidying over cleaning; deciding to tidy instead of clean; prioritising tidying over cleaning - why?

Necessity.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

Necessity in this case forced this procrastinating, ditherer to pull up her big girl pants and get to getting.

Tidying done, the lack of cleaning didn't matter so much and the house is ready for visitors.

Cleaning house indeed.